The GoodNest Guide to Asking for Investments Instead of Toys

It happens before every birthday and holiday. A relative calls and asks, “What does she want this year?” You picture the overflowing toy bin, and the 529 plan you’d love your family to help grow. Then you hear yourself say, “Oh, anything is fine.”

You’re far from alone. In a 2024 Saving for College survey of 870 parents and grandparents who are saving for a child’s education, one-third of the parents said they ask family and friends to give to their child’s college savings instead of toys or other gifts. Among the parents who don’t ask, 44% said they don’t know how to ask or feel uncomfortable asking.

This guide gives you the words. It explains why a gracious ask usually lands better than you fear, which etiquette rules are worth following, and how to time each request, with ready-to-use scripts and email templates for birthdays, holidays, and the moment someone asks what your child wants. It’s part of Building Your Village: How to Crowdfund Your Child’s Nest Egg, which covers where family gifts should go and the rules behind them.

Why asking is kinder than it feels

Asking for money can feel greedy. The research on gift giving points the other way: a clear, specific request tends to make giving easier for everyone involved.

People appreciate what they ask for

Gift researchers keep finding the same mismatch between givers and recipients. Givers tend to focus on the moment a gift is opened, while recipients care more about how useful it will be over time, and one common giver mistake is choosing a surprise when the recipient was hoping for something from a list or registry, according to a 2016 review by Jeff Galak, Julian Givi, and Elanor Williams that the Association for Psychological Science summarized.

Earlier experiments by Francis Flynn of Stanford and Francesca Gino, then at Harvard Business School, point the same way. People appreciated gifts they had requested more than surprises and saw them as more thoughtful, while givers expected a surprise to go over at least as well. Givers were also more receptive to one specific suggestion than to a list, and recipients appreciated money even more than the items they had asked for, though givers assumed money would be the least favored gift, as Stanford Graduate School of Business reported. Flynn’s other work suggests people underestimate how willing others are to help when asked directly.

These studies involved adults receiving gifts for themselves, not savings for a child, so treat them as a guide rather than proof. Still, adults vote the same way when it’s their turn: gift cards topped the list of gifts people wanted to receive in the National Retail Federation’s 2025 holiday survey, at 50%. A clear suggestion is a kindness to the people who want to give.

“No gifts” rarely means no gifts

Many parents try the opposite approach and ask for nothing. As many as 1 in 8 birthday invitations now say “no gifts,” the Deseret News reported, yet a What to Expect poll found that about 3 in 10 parents still bring a gift to a no-gifts party, spending about $28 on average. Generous people want somewhere to put their generosity. An optional, specific suggestion gives it one.

Toys pile up, and relatives often sense it

More toys don’t necessarily mean better play. In a University of Toledo experiment, toddlers played longer with each toy, and more creatively, when 4 toys were in the room instead of 16, Science News reported.

Many relatives seem to sense the limits of guessing. In a well-known 1993 study, economist Joel Waldfogel found that aunts, uncles, and grandparents gave the non-cash gifts their recipients valued least, and were also the most likely to give cash, as the American Economic Association summarized. Later studies with broader samples found that gifts often create value rather than waste it, so economists still debate the point. Either way, the relatives furthest from a child’s daily life may be the most comfortable giving money.

Before you ask: three things to set up

The best asks are short. Making three decisions ahead of time keeps yours that way.

Where the money goes

Choose the account before anyone asks what it’s for. A 529 plan fits education, a custodial account fits anything that benefits your child, and a Trump Account fits long-term growth, though individuals and employers share one limit of $5,000 per child per year under IRS guidance. Building Your Village walks through each destination, and Comparing Investment Accounts for Kids: 529 vs. UTMA vs. Roth IRA vs. 530A compares them side by side. Then write a one-sentence answer to “What’s it for?” such as “It goes into her 529 for college or trade school.”

Birthday-sized gifts won’t raise tax questions for your family. Each person can give up to $19,000 to each recipient in 2026 without filing a gift tax return, according to the IRS, and The Impact of the 2026 Gift Tax Exclusion covers the details.

One easy way to give

Pick a single link your family can use from a phone. In the Saving for College survey, 31% of parents said a link they could share by text, email, or social media would make asking easier, and the survey notes that most 529 plans offer some type of online gifting tool. A GoodNest page works with any account, because gifts come straight to you by Zelle, Venmo, or PayPal and you deposit them. Either way, one link beats a list of account numbers.

Something to open

Decide what you’ll suggest for the people who love to watch a child unwrap a present. Remember the mismatch: givers treasure the moment of opening, while recipients value what lasts. A small gift to open plus a contribution serves both. Etiquette guidance makes the same point. For weddings, where cash gifts are most accepted, the Emily Post Institute advises couples who welcome money to keep a traditional registry too, because many guests are uncomfortable with no traditional option, and it reminds them that the choice of gift is always up to the giver.

Children feel it too. Etiquette columnist Catherine Newman told TODAY.com that a 5-year-old might be crushed to hear there are no presents today, only college someday. One simple answer is “a book and a boost”: something small to unwrap, plus a contribution that keeps growing. An outing works as well. In experiments with real gift exchanges, Cindy Chan and Cassie Mogilner found that experiential gifts strengthened relationships more than material gifts did, as they reported in the Journal of Consumer Research.

You don’t have to ask for all of it

A partial gift still adds up. The chart shows what one relative’s gifts could be worth by age 18 if each $50 birthday or holiday gift is split three different ways, using this series’ hypothetical 7% average annual return.

• Gifts put into savings
• Growth

Hypothetical. One relative gives a $50 gift twice a year, six months apart, from the first half-year through age 18, for 36 gifts. Only the part put into savings is shown. It earns a 7% average annual return, with no fees or taxes. Not a prediction or guarantee.

See the numbers

Value at 18 of one relative’s gifts, by how each gift is split

Each $50 gift	Saved	Growth	At 18
All $50 to savings	$1,800	$1,658	$3,458
$35 to savings and a $15 book	$1,260	$1,161	$2,421
$25 to savings and a $25 toy	$900	$829	$1,729

A relative who gives a $15 book and $35 to savings at every birthday and holiday season would put $1,260 into savings over 18 years, which could grow to $2,421. Four relatives doing the same could add about $9,700. The earliest gifts do the most work, as How Does Compound Interest Actually Work for Minors? explains.

The ground rules for asking graciously

Etiquette experts differ on details, but most of their advice comes down to a few rules:

• Ask the people who already give. Grandparents, aunts and uncles, godparents, and close friends are your audience. Among parents in the Saving for College survey who don’t ask, 48% said it would be easier if givers asked for gift suggestions first. Often they will.
• Share it by word of mouth, not as a demand. Traditional etiquette keeps gift requests off invitations. The Emily Post Institute’s wedding guidance says couples can signal that money is welcome by word of mouth, and that “contribution” or “help” work well if “cash” feels awkward.
• Make one clear suggestion. Name one thing, your child’s savings, and one small alternative. A long menu leaves givers guessing.
• Welcome any amount, and keep amounts private. Newman worried that a guest who would happily give a $15 origami set might feel embarrassed contributing $15 to a college fund. Say “any amount,” never name a number, and never share who gave what.
• Explain the why in one sentence. People give more happily when they know what their gift will do.
• Let each partner ask their own family. A request usually lands more softly coming from a son or daughter than from an in-law.
• Keep it optional, and mean it. Thank a toy as warmly as a contribution, and don’t ask other families to follow your approach for their own children.

Grandparents often raise questions of their own, from whether money is a real gift to treating every grandchild the same. Discussing Wealth with Grandparents has scripts for those conversations.

When to ask, and how

Timing matters as much as wording. In the National Retail Federation’s 2025 surveys, 42% of holiday shoppers planned to start before November, and by early November, 58% had already started, NRF reported. The early November survey also found that 35% of shoppers turned to friends and family for gift ideas. A note that arrives after the shopping is done is too late for this year, so plan your asks around the calendar:

For baby showers, religious milestones, and graduations, Structuring Milestone Contributions has occasion-by-occasion wording, and Milestone Contributions maps those occasions across childhood.

When someone asks what your child wants

This is the easiest opening you’ll get. Among parents in the Saving for College survey who already ask for college savings gifts, 41% said they’d mention it this holiday season only if someone asked for a gift suggestion. Give one clear answer and one small alternative, keep it short, and use your own words. Swap in your child’s name and pronouns throughout these scripts.

Thank you for asking! Honestly, she has plenty of toys. What would mean the most is something toward her savings for the future. Here’s the link: [link]. If you’d like her to have something to open, she’s crazy about animal books right now.

That’s so sweet of you to ask. He loves every new toy for about a day, and we’re running out of room. We’ve started saving for his future, for college or whatever training he chooses, and the best gift would be anything toward that. I’ll text you the link. And if you want to see his face light up, a book to go with it would be perfect.

She’d love that! She’s into dinosaurs and puzzles right now, so either would be a hit. And if you ever want an idea that lasts, we’re saving for her future, and every bit helps: [link].

Birthday templates and invitation wording

A note to family before the birthday

Send this two to three weeks ahead to the relatives and close friends who usually give. Email leaves room to explain, and a text can follow the same shape.

Subject: An idea for [child’s name]’s birthday

Hi everyone,

[Child’s name] turns [age] on [date], and we can’t wait to celebrate with you. A few of you have asked what she’d like, so we wanted to share an idea.

She’s lucky to have more toys than she can play with, so this year we’re focusing on her future. We’ve started a 529 plan for her, for college or whatever training she chooses, and a contribution of any amount would mean a lot. Here’s the link: [link].

If you’d like her to have something to open, a book is perfect. She loves [favorite series] right now. And honestly, the best part is having you there.

With love,
[Your names]

Wording for a family party invitation

For a party of relatives and close friends, one soft, optional line is enough. Put it on a separate card or your party page if you can, so the invitation itself stays about the celebration. Choose one:

• Your company is the best present. If you’d like to mark the day, a contribution of any amount to [child’s name]’s savings would be treasured: [link].
• A book and a boost: if you’d like to bring something, [child’s name] would love a favorite book to open, and contributions to her future can go here: [link].
• No gifts needed! If you’d like to give, [child’s name] is saving for her future, and anything toward it would mean so much to us: [link].

Parties with classmates and school friends

A class party is a different crowd. Guests may barely know your family, and some families stretch to buy any gift at all. Lizzie Post, co-president of the Emily Post Institute, says it’s perfectly fine to ask for no gifts, but she cautions that invitations asking guests to donate to a cause instead can start to feel like they’re pushing the parents’ agenda, The Advocate reported. A savings link on a class invitation risks the same reaction, so save it for family. For school-friend parties, three simpler options work well:

• No gifts. Simple, inclusive, and easy for busy families. Expect a few gifts anyway, and accept them graciously.
• A fiver party. Each guest brings a $5 bill so the birthday child can save toward one bigger gift, an approach parents told the Boston Globe keeps parties affordable for every family. Your child can choose to put part of it into savings, too.
• A book swap. Each guest brings a wrapped book, and every child goes home with one.

• No gifts, please. We just want to celebrate with you!
• It’s a fiver party! If you’d like to bring a gift, [child’s name] is saving up for something special, so $5 in a card is perfect.
• Book swap! Bring a wrapped book if you’d like, and every guest will take one home.

Holiday templates

The holiday note to extended family

Send this by late October, before the shopping starts. It works for aunts, uncles, cousins, godparents, and close family friends.

Subject: Holiday ideas for [child’s name]

Hi all,

We hope you’re doing well! Before the holiday rush, we wanted to share an idea for [child’s name].

He’s doing great, and he already has more toys than our closet can hold. This year we’re asking the people who love him to help build something that lasts. We’ve started saving for his future, and a contribution of any amount would mean the world. Here’s the link: [link].

If you’d like him to have something to unwrap, books and art supplies are always a hit. He’s into [current interest]. Or plan a day together, like the zoo or a movie. He’d remember that for a long time.

We’ll let you know when your gift is deposited, and once a year we’ll send an update so you can see how it’s growing. No pressure at all. We’re just grateful you’re in his life.

Love,
[Your names]

The family group chat

Hi everyone! Holiday ideas for [child’s name]: he has plenty of toys, so we’d love help growing his savings this year. Any amount is wonderful: [link]. A book or a day out together is always a hit too. Thank you for loving him so well!

Suggesting a change to the cousins’ gift exchange

If the adults in your family buy for each other’s children, propose a change as an offer, not a rule. Some siblings will love the idea, and some won’t.

I’ve been thinking about the cousins’ gifts this year. The kids have so much stuff, and I know you’re saving for [niece or nephew’s name] too. What if we each gave each child a book and put what we’d usually spend on toys into their savings? Totally fine if that’s not your thing. I just wanted to ask.

Your child’s own wish list

By grade school, children can help write their own list, which turns the ask into a lesson. A three-part list keeps it fun and fits the spend, save, and give habits in Grade School (Ages 6-10):

Something to open: the next book in the [series name] series

Something to do: a trip to the aquarium with you

Something to grow: money for my savings. I’m saving for [goal]!

Teenagers can make their own case. A teen asking for themselves, with a goal and a parent match behind it, makes a compelling request. The “Match” Program shows how to set up a match, and High School (Ages 15-18) covers what to do once a first paycheck arrives.

I’m saving for my first car and for college, and my parents match whatever I save from my job. If you’d like to give me something this year, money toward my savings would help a lot. Thank you for always being in my corner.

Words that work, and words to skip

Small wording choices change how an ask feels. A few swaps keep the focus on your child and off the money:

When a toy arrives anyway

Some people will always buy a toy, and that’s their right. Never turn down a gift or correct the giver, especially in front of your child. The Emily Post Institute’s guidance for kids’ birthday parties teaches children to thank every giver and, for a gift they don’t love, to find one positive thing to say. Model it yourself:

Thank you so much! She’s going to love this. You always know how to make her smile.

Save your savings idea for the next time that person asks what your child wants. If toys still pile up, rotating them or quietly passing some along later keeps your home manageable without hurting anyone’s feelings.

Templates for saying thank you

A thank-you note turns one gift into a tradition, and you don’t need perfect words. In studies by Amit Kumar and Nicholas Epley, people who wrote gratitude letters underestimated how happy and surprised the recipients would be and overestimated how awkward they would feel, the University of Chicago reported. Recipients responded to the warmth, not the wording. Name the gift, say where it went, and add something from your child. For a young child, Lizzie Post suggests that a parent write the note and the child add a drawing.

Dear Aunt [name],

Thank you so much for your birthday gift to [child’s name]’s savings. We added it to her 529 this week, so it’s already working toward her future. She loved the book about [topic] and has asked us to read it every night since. We’ll send an update next year so you can see how it’s growing.

Love,
[Your names] (and a drawing from [child’s name])

Happy New Year! A quick thank you: because of your birthday and holiday gifts, [child’s name]’s savings grew again this year. He’s too young to understand it now, but one day he’ll know that you helped build his future. Thank you for being part of it.

Thank You Notes and Portfolio Updates has more templates, including how to share growth without sharing more than you want.

How GoodNest makes the ask easier

GoodNest is built around this conversation. You create a page for your child and share one link with the people you choose, by text, email, or a printed card. Guests can give without creating an account and leave a note your child can read years from now. Pages are unlisted and kept out of search engines, so your child’s page reaches your village rather than strangers.

Gifts go straight to you by Zelle, Venmo, or PayPal, and GoodNest never holds or invests the money, so you move each gift into the 529 plan, custodial account, or Trump Account your plan calls for. If you choose a destination on your child’s page, the page tells family where their gifts go, which answers “What’s it for?” before anyone asks. When you confirm a gift, GoodNest drafts a thank-you in your child’s voice for you to send, and later you can share a postcard, a few words and up to four photos, that appears only on that giver’s own page. For the invitation itself, GoodNest’s free invitation wording tool can draft the line for you. For very large gifts, like a grandparent superfunding a 529 plan, encourage the giver to contribute to the account directly, so the gift tax paperwork, and any state tax break, stay with them.

Mistakes to avoid

• Asking after the shopping is done. Send holiday notes by late October and birthday notes two to three weeks ahead.
• Asking everyone the same way. Share your savings link with close family and friends. For classmates, keep it to “no gifts,” a fiver party, or a book swap.
• Sending a menu. One clear suggestion and one small alternative beat a list of five options.
• Leaving nothing to open. A young child may be disappointed, and many givers love the moment of unwrapping.
• Naming a number. Never suggest an amount, and never share who gave what.
• Asking again and again. One warm ask per occasion is enough. Reminders turn an invitation into pressure.
• Letting gifts sit in checking. Deposit each gift within a week, so it starts growing and you can tell the giver where it went.
• Skipping the thank you. It’s the step that makes the next gift likely.

The bottom line

Most of the people who love your child already want to give. A short, specific, optional ask, sent early and paired with something to open, lets them give a gift that grows. Use these scripts as starting points, put them in your own voice, and thank every giver. For where the money should go and how to keep your village giving for years, return to Building Your Village: How to Crowdfund Your Child’s Nest Egg.

Frequently asked questions

Is it rude to ask for money instead of gifts for a child’s birthday?

Not when it’s done graciously. Etiquette guidance generally favors sharing gift preferences by word of mouth or when someone asks, keeping the request optional, and never naming an amount. Gift research also finds that people appreciate gifts they asked for more than givers expect. Keep the savings ask for close family and friends, offer something small to open, and thank every giver the same way.

How do I word a birthday invitation to ask for college fund contributions?

For a family party, add one soft, optional line, ideally on a separate card or your party page: “Your company is the best present. If you’d like to mark the day, a contribution of any amount to [child’s name]’s savings would be treasured, and a book to open is always welcome.” For parties with classmates, keep gift requests off the invitation or simply say “No gifts, please.”

How do I tell family we don’t want more toys without hurting their feelings?

Lead with thanks, explain the reason in one sentence, and give them something positive to do: “She’s so lucky to have you. She has plenty to play with, so this year we’re focusing on her future, and a contribution to her savings would mean a lot. If you’d love to pick out something to open, books are perfect.” Never refuse a gift that’s already bought.

What should I say when someone asks what my child wants?

Give one clear answer and one small alternative: “Honestly, she has plenty of toys. What would mean the most is a contribution to her savings, and I can text you the link. If you’d like something to wrap, she loves books about animals.” Gift research suggests givers respond better to one specific suggestion than to a long list.

When should I ask family for savings gifts instead of holiday presents?

Before the shopping starts. In the National Retail Federation’s 2025 surveys, 42% of holiday shoppers planned to start before November, and 58% had started by early November. Send your holiday note by late October and birthday notes two to three weeks ahead. One warm note per occasion is enough.

Sources

• Martha Kortiak Mert, Saving for College, “Survey Finds Parents Prefer College Savings Gifts but Hesitate to Ask” (November 14, 2024), an online survey of 870 parents and grandparents conducted October 18 to 30, 2024.
• Association for Psychological Science, “Want to Give a Good Gift? Think Past the ‘Big Reveal’” (December 2016), on Jeff Galak, Julian Givi, and Elanor Williams, “Why Certain Gifts Are Great to Give but Not to Get,” Current Directions in Psychological Science (2016).
• Marguerite Rigoglioso, Stanford Graduate School of Business, “Give Them the Gift They’re Expecting” (September 15, 2011), on Francesca Gino and Francis J. Flynn, “Give them what they want: The benefits of explicitness in gift exchange,” Journal of Experimental Social Psychology 47, no. 5 (2011).
• National Retail Federation, “Consumers to Spend Second-Highest Amount on Record, According to NRF Holiday Survey” (October 16, 2025).
• Lois M. Collins, Deseret News, “What should you bring to a ‘no-gifts’ kid’s birthday party?” (August 6, 2024), reporting a What to Expect poll.
• Science News, “An abundance of toys can curb kids’ creativity and focus”, on a University of Toledo study published in Infant Behavior and Development (accessed October 2, 2026).
• Tim Hyde, American Economic Association, “Did holiday gift giving just create a multi-billion-dollar loss for the economy?” (December 28, 2015), on Joel Waldfogel, “The Deadweight Loss of Christmas,” American Economic Review (1993).
• Internal Revenue Service, “Treasury, IRS issue guidance on Trump Accounts established under the Working Families Tax Cuts; notice announces upcoming regulations”, IR-2025-117 (December 2, 2025).
• Internal Revenue Service, “Frequently asked questions on gift taxes” (last reviewed July 23, 2026).
• Anna Post, The Emily Post Institute, “Inside Weddings: Registry Rules”, first published in Inside Weddings (Summer 2009).
• TODAY.com, “Tacky or brilliant? Parents ask for college fund contributions in lieu of birthday presents”, quoting etiquette expert Catherine Newman (accessed October 2, 2026).
• Cindy Chan and Cassie Mogilner, “Experiential Gifts Foster Stronger Social Relationships Than Material Gifts”, Journal of Consumer Research 43, no. 6 (2017).
• National Retail Federation, “Thanksgiving Weekend Expected to Draw Largest Number of Shoppers on Record” (November 20, 2025), a survey of 8,000 adults conducted October 31 to November 6, 2025.
• Suzanne Pfefferle Tafur, The Advocate (Gambit), “Birthday party foul: etiquette for kids’ birthday parties” (July 23, 2018), quoting Lizzie Post of the Emily Post Institute.
• Kara Baskin, The Boston Globe, “That’s a wrap? Kids’ birthday party gifts are so yesterday.” (October 11, 2024).
• The Emily Post Institute, “Kids’ Birthday Parties” (accessed October 2, 2026).
• University of Chicago News, “People underestimate value of sending letters of appreciation” (2018), on Amit Kumar and Nicholas Epley, “Undervaluing Gratitude: Expressers Misunderstand the Consequences of Showing Appreciation,” Psychological Science (2018).

This article is for general educational purposes only and is not tax, legal, or investment advice. The examples are hypothetical, assume a 7% average annual return with no fees or taxes, and are not predictions or guarantees. Etiquette varies by family, culture, and community, so adapt the scripts to the people you’re writing to. Gift tax, account, and Trump Account rules change, so confirm the details with your plan, your account provider, or a qualified professional before acting. Programs and companies named are examples, not endorsements. GoodNest does not provide tax, legal, or investment advice and does not hold or invest funds.